Pretending to be someone you are not is not fun. It just plain old sucks. That’s why I don’t do it, and you shouldn’t either. For example, I work for a small political consulting company. My work mostly consists of database work, handling email and snail-mail newsletters, and working at the occasional political event.
Even though I work in the political field, I hate politics with a passion and I don’t conceal that fact. I’m often asked how I feel about certain issues and candidates. When asked stuff like this I could pretend like I care, but I don’t. I usually respond with something like, “I don’t really follow this stuff, I just do what I’m told for work.”
I hate politics, so I act that way. It seems like a no-brainer really, but so many people in the world are faking everything.
When I was 12-14 years old I thought I was a gangster. I listened to way to much Snoop Dogg and was totally convinced I was from the ghetto and that the fake chain I wore was real. Looking back now, it’s incredibly embarrassing. Eventually I realized that it just wasn’t me, and that I wasn’t happy being a poser. Plus, I looked like a complete idiot.
One more example (I know…enough about me) is when my ex-girlfriend tried to get me to dress in a “preppy” manner. We went to American Eagle, Abercrombie and all kinds of stores that made me super uncomfortable. I never bought anything because it just wasn’t me. I could have bought some nice clothes and the world wouldn’t have ended, but why settle? I’m happier in some basketball shorts, sandals and a t-shirt.
I promise there’s an important point coming here…
If you wouldn’t want to fake being someone else in the real world, why would you do it online?
This is where my problem with personal branding comes into play. Corbett from Free Pursuits wrote a great post about personal branding a little while back. I would like to share the comment I left on his post:
The thing that sticks out to me about personal branding is that you know when it is not authentic. I don’t really understand why people try to change their personal brand. It’s not really something that’s changeable in my mind. And it’s not fun being someone who you really are not.
Let’s say you’re a jerk. Why bother trying to change, it’s just not going to seem right and people will notice. Embrace your inner jerk, and connect with all the other jerks in the world who will love your personal brand.
Ignore the missed question mark and unnecessary commas (it was probably early in the morning) and really try to understand what I’m saying.
Instead of branding, you should view it as being. Being is easy, you just act like yourself.
Let’s say you are a jerk. You have overly strong opinions, you aren’t very respectful and you are your own #1 fan…
There are roughly 7 billion people in the world. That means that there are quite possibly millions of other jerks out there who could connect with you on a level that “nice” people couldn’t.
Douchebags worldwide could be waiting for you to lead them. An example of this is Tucker Max. This guy is literally a professional asshole.
So why do we fake it instead of being ourselves?
I think that the basic motivation for all of this type of behavior is to just fit in. We want to feel accepted. We all need to ditch this “fitting in” feeling immediately for two reasons:
1. The world is huge. Many of us are stuck in the high school mentality. The world is bigger than the town you live in. As I said before, there are people just like you somewhere, you just need to connect with them.
2. As serious lifestyle designers, we need to get used to stirring the waters a little bit. Pretty much everything about the lifestyle I am creating for myself doesn’t fit into the normal view of my peers, and I’m sure the same goes for you.
So… Be you. Forget branding and focus on being. Improve in areas of your life that you think are very important, but if you are changing something just so others will be happy you need to rethink your motives.
What do you think? Hit me with some comments!
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{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }
Learning to be me (and figuring out who that me is) is something that I feel I’ve been constantly working on in the past few years. When you are in your twenties and just out of college, sometimes you need to spend some time defining what you are all about and learning to be confident with yourself. One of those big life lessons…
Agree with you and Stephanie. Unfortunately a lot us try to be someone else in order to fit in, to avoid unwanted attention or some other reason, especially when we are younger.
It can take a while just to realise that you’re doing it, let alone retrain yourself to be more authentic.
Hey Nate, another interesting article as always. Not being ourselves in the internet is also the reason some people don’t stick with something, because they don’t really like it.
@Stephanie – It really is a big life lesson and I can really relate to what you just wrote. It can be an uncertain time when you get out of school and are trying to figure things out, but it is also very exciting. I’ve realized so much about myself in the last year since leaving school.
@Neil – It sure can take a while. The entire process can take a really long time. But I think it’s something everyone needs to do; just to reevaluate why they do what they do.
@Oscar – Trying to be someone else is great way to get bored and hate what you are doing! I’m glad you got that out of this post, it’s one of the major points I was trying to make. Thanks!
Trying to be someone you aren’t is just another way of trying to please people who probably don’t matter. Figuring out what “you” means among all the BS marketing messages we are raised by is the tough part.
Be true to yourself or you aint true to nobody!
Man, I had the same thing when it came to people and girls, trying to be someone im not to impress them.
Glen wrote a great post that its all about expression, not impression. Be who you are, the people who dont like you will move on, and the ones that do like you will be much more loyal and true to you. Be proud of who you are and let your passion shine through :)
Great post nate!
great post Nate! :)
thanks for sharing about your snoop days :) I think we’ve all done something like that.
Great reminder
Jen
@ NomadRip – You are right about that being the tough part. Our entire society is fueled by marketing messages, so it can be hard to overcome them. Thanks!
@ Diggy – I’m glad that you could relate to what I wrote in this post. It can really come down to letting people go who don’t appreciate you for being you. The absence of those people will be replaced by the super high quality of those still around. Thanks for the comment!
Jen – Ahh yes, the good ol’ Snoop days :-)
Nate can you send me your email address. I have a proposition (don’t worry it’s not a ring). thelifething(at)gmail(dot)com.
Cheers.
Authenticity is a difficult. We are all trying to impress each other to some degree because we want to be liked and respected.
On Twitter, everyone is nice. If you were honest and said negative things you would probably lose followers. Even blog comments are like that to a degree. The most active commenters are those who have a blog to promote. It is not really about the conversation, it is self-interest.
When we go to a job interview, try to raise capital, get a bank loan or even date, we all pretend to be better than we really are.
I think it is hard to forget branding and be who we are. We all need to put on a “show” for different audiences. Comedians are not always joking and funny. Public speakers are not always energetic and engaging. We all need to pretend for different purposes. We are only really ourselves when no one is watching.
@ John – What a great comment! Thanks. I do agree with what you are saying, but I’ve just been challenging myself to be above the putting on a “show” idea. It’s really hard. Authenticity is a really complicated subject, and everyone has their own opinion. Thanks for sharing yours :-)
TO me it seems at least that people try to be something else or something better then they are because they want to fit into the social group their apart of.
The reality, the clothe, the money the houses will not make your life wonderful, but it will make everyone think “Wow that guy has lots of stuff,”
@ Mac – It really is all about “stuff.” I’m glad you brought that up. Our society is so materialistic and I think we all need to get away from this. It’s tough but necessary for true happiness, at least I think so. Thanks for the comment!
I agree with John that we have a tendency (natural or schooled?) to try and impress. I would add that it’s not necessarily a bad thing to behave in a different way in different social contexts.
For example, you wouldn’t say to your Mum the same things you say to your mates – often that would lead to big trouble!
And nobody would want to be around me if I behaved like I usually do when I’m alone – a right miserable f**ker!
@ Keith – Haha that’s quite a way to describe yourself when you’re alone! I do agree with what you’re saying. There are certain contexts which we need to act respectful and “normal.” I’m just saying to not make a habit of being a faker.
“Instead of branding, you should view it as being. Being is easy, you just act like yourself.”
so true, most of us (including myself) are still caught up with the labels we attach to ourselves…